• Paige Barker

Page 35: RelationTIP #3

RelationTIP #3: Find Your Confidence in God BEFORE Dating

When single girls ask me for advice in the relationship department this is my number one answer almost every time:


I cannot emphasize this enough! Insecurity will only rob you of the joy of dating someone and getting to know them on an intimate level.

I guarantee you that if I hadn’t learned how to find my confidence in God before I met Logan, we wouldn’t be married today. And if there is one thing that is an automatic turn-off to a man, that’s insecurity. Logan confirmed these two statements.

For years I thought my life would be complete whenever I found my “special someone.” Don’t get me wrong, my relationship with Logan has brought an abundant amount of joy into my life, but only because we are both grounded in our separate relationships with Jesus first. We know that we cannot complete each other and that we can only complement one another.

I was in a constant state of frustration and disappointment because I was still single. I just wanted a boyfriend so desperately. And that was the problem. I wanted to be in a relationship so badly that I was missing what God wanted to do in me first.

For most of my life I was plagued with insecurity -- an insecurity that was so unattractive. I had deep-rooted insecurity in me that affected every area of my life and it was keeping me stuck. To the point, I couldn’t accept any kind of compliment because I just didn’t believe it. I hated who and what I saw in the mirror and I didn’t enjoy life.

It wasn’t until I was 23 years old when God finally got ahold of my heart. I was 23 when I went on my first date ever with anyone. I wish I could say it was because I was waiting for God to bring the right person…but it wasn’t. I was so convinced that no man would ever be attracted to me. I radiated that attitude and it pushed any guy away that would even look slightly in my direction. But there I was so confused, frustrated, and disappointed as to why no guy would ask me out.

I went on my first date and for the first time I felt attractive…I felt beautiful…I felt noticed. After that date is when God began to reveal the deep-rooted insecurity I had. It was about a two-year process. There were a lot of hurts that God had to heal in my heart. Hurts that had turned into bitterness which eventually turned into resentment.

In those two years I went on more first dates than I frankly care to admit, but after each date, I felt as if my confidence in Jesus grew even more. Frankly, those two years are some of my favorite years to this day. Not because I went on several first dates, but because I learned how to enjoy life. I said "yes" to opportunities and I traveled a lot. I made so many memories with friends that I will cherish forever.

With each layer of insecurity that was revealed and healed, the deeper my relationship with God went. As my relationship with God grew, so did my confidence in HIM. My confidence in Jesus is what enabled me (and still enables me) to love Logan from a healthy place.

When insecurity is leading you, you will try to fill a void in your heart that only Jesus can fill with a man (or a woman if you are a man reading this). Be careful in doing that because it will only lead to one thing: heartbreak.

When your confidence is rooted in Jesus, you will know who you are and WHOSE you are so you won’t settle for anything less than the best.

When your confidence is rooted in Jesus, you will radiate joy everywhere you go.

When your confidence is rooted in Jesus, you will enjoy life more and have fun.

When your confidence is rooted in Jesus, it’s the most attractive thing.

When your confidence is rooted in Jesus, a man will be a bonus to your life.

My journey to finding my confidence in Jesus was not easy and at times painful, but it was so worth it!